I've got a lot of work to do. After having 2 weeks off of my receptionist job I have learned some things. I have listened to my mind chatter at me and found it to be quite annoying. "You've got to do this", "Stop doing that so much", "Never do that thing again"...chatter chatter chatter. So many self-made rules. A small dictator lives in my mind and is constantly attempting to create order and get "results".
At one time I was inspired by the idea that I should live in a way that will ensure I feel proud of myself on my death bed. Now I have seen that inspiration transform into a burden. I am driven to bake an extraordinary life pie but with all the ingredients to make only the common apple. That would be ok if I weren't so focused on attaining some yet undiscovered fruit, baking it in a yet undiscovered kind of crust and then winning the "Most Extraordinary Pie Ever" contest. It is my desire for uniqueness and success that drive my mind's incessant chattering. It's now my job to find a way to want less. As I write those words I am being attacked from within by soldiers from The Extraordinary War but I must stay strong.
I will sleep late, I will watch TV, I will eat crap, I will not exercise, I will write only if the mood strikes and I will work at a job without higher aspirations. Perhaps if I am able to overthrow my Mental Dictatorship I will find peace.