Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Death Bed Myth

Journal from September 10th, 2003

I suppose I have seen lots of movies in which one of the characters is dying. I’m not really sure where I formed my unconscious fantasies about the way things would be when I was on my death bed. All I know for sure is that I had a belief that when I was dying, things would change. I believed that:

-the world would slow down, maybe even stop

-I would be surrounded by loved ones at all times

-relationship conflicts would miraculously resolve

-there would be many deep confessions, laughter and tears

-worldly things would cease (bills, toilet malfunctions, dirty dishes)

-I would know I was dying

It is a shock to discover that my vision of what lay ahead was more a mirage than a reality. I have been very surprised to find that:

-The world keeps spinning at the same speed.

-People still go to work and live their lives

-Difficult Relationships are still difficult and actually can become more so

-I have a great amount of ambiguity around death…when exactly does being really sick cross over to “dying”? They feel very much the same!

News Flash! Dying isn’t as glamorous as they make it look on Soap Operas. It’s actually quite lonely.

1 comment:

OB Doctor said...

I admire the way you have addressed these issues that many want to deny. What happens when you die is probably the most important question that any of us have to answer, for how we answer the question ultimately influences most if not all our other decisions/behaviors/thoughts.