Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My Patient Resume

I’m not sure why, but lately I’ve been attempting to remember where all of my scars come from and how many there are. Just for funzies, I thought I’d list all of the things I’ve had done to this little body...

Pokes:

1. 3 Triple Lumen Catheters

2. 1 Port-a-catheter

3. Around 10 “Mid-lines”

4. Around 10 PIC lines

5. More small IV placements than I could count

6. More blood draws than I could count

7. Around 6 Blood Gases (OUCH!)

8. Many, many insulin injections for diabetes

9. Many, many jabs to test blood sugar

10. 9 Chest Tubes

11. 2 Spinal Taps

12. 4 Epidurals

Stomach Stuff:

13. 1 G-Tube

14. A Nissen Fundoplication

15. A Pyloroplasty

16. Too much Go-Lightly (cruel brand name)

17. Enzymes, enzymes, enzymes

18. PH probe

19. Motility Study

20. Esophageal Study

21. 3 Endoscopies

22. 5 NG tubes

Lungs Stuff:

23. 2 Double Lung Transplants (of course)

24. Somewhere around 20 Bronchoscopes

25. An equal number of Lavages

26. Galloons and Gallons of IV antibiotics

27. Daily Nebulizer treatments

28. Intubation

29. More chest X-Rays than I could ever count

30. More Pulmonary Function Tests (PFT’s) than I could ever count

Head Stuff:

31. Around 7 CAT Scans (lung and sinus)

32. 1 MRI (sinus)

Medications:

You wouldn’t believe it if I told you…

1 comment:

Laurie said...

Can I just say it's a relief to see the word "OUCH" next to blood gases on your resume? I hate them so much, and felt like there was something wrong with me that they hurt so much!

On an unrelated note (sort of), have you heard of or read "Breathing for a Living" by Laura Rothenberg? It's a memoir written by a CF patient who had a lung transplant and in addition to straight prose, it includes e-mail correspondance, letters, poems, etc. It's a great book, and one that I thought might interest you. NPR picked it up and it got a lot of press....