Well, I finally had the opportunity to watch "Crazy, Sexy Cancer."
It left me with some Crazy, Sexy Questions.
Let me start by saying that Kris Carr is clearly a talented artist. Her movie flowed well, was never boring and was pretty to look at.
Kris was diagnosed with an incurable cancer and had 20-something tumors on her liver and lungs. It looked bad. There is no treatment, chemo etc, so she embarks on a journey to find health with diet and yoga. I found the explorations into more "out there" therapies to be funny and something I could relate to. During the course of the movie, she interacts with several "cancer chicks" who are at some stage of treatment--serious chemo and all the effects. (Those people were my favorite part of the movie.) In the end, we discover that Kris' tumors are so slow moving that the doctor suggests that she refer to them as tumors instead of cancer. She never had one day of sickness during the movie's 4 year span.
Here's my question: Am I alone in feeling that a person with an illness which has no symptoms can't really lump themselves into the same bucket as those of us with serious, active illness and treatments?
I found myself getting angry at Carr for being around women who were truly physically suffering and not acknowledging that her level of illness was very different.
I felt angry at her for talking about her diet and crying about her diet and acting as though she was "being positive" in the face of cancer.
I do not deny the psychological effects of a diagnosis like that. I know there is the need for grieving and feeling your fear.
Why though, did I find myself feeling sorry for the sick people watching her movie?
Because I know some people were watching her walk down the aisle in a wedding dress and their hearts were breaking. They would not get to have another moment like that in their life.
I have written about "Competitive Suffering" and I am aware that is what I am doing.
I need to find out, though, what it is that has triggered my feelings of anger towards this woman.
Kriss Carr was on Oprah talking about facing death. My dream is to be on Oprah one day, so I know that I am just plain jealous. However, how does one really talk about facing death without ever spending one day sick in bed?
Am I just being petty?