Friday, June 27, 2008

Coffee Update

Well, it's Friday and I have now gone 5 days (counting today) with only a very small amount of tea each morning! I have to say, I am very proud of myself.

It's been interesting to discover just how much my "addiction" is really mental and not physical. In fact, my body already feels better. I guess I'm sleepier but there isn't the high and low that there was with coffee. I pretty much maintain the same level of energy all day. It's been nice to not ride the energy roller coaster. My body feels less tense and it's much easier for me to relax when I start to feel stress. I have begun exercising again and I'm hopeful that that will bring my energy level up. Physically, I can feel that I have made the right choice for my body.

Mentally, however, I am still being taunted with thoughts of iced lattes. I have about 5 normal thoughts followed by one long coffee thought. All the reasons why I "should" just go get a cup of coffee: "I need to do this project, I should have coffee for that"or "Life is too short to not drink coffee" or "Today would be a good day to just have one cup." My brain has not stopped pushing for the caffeine fix!

One other discovery I made this week was that I had an unconscious belief that, without coffee, I would never feel happiness again. On Monday, I felt a wave of happiness followed by a huge sense of relief. I was so relieved to see that I could feel happy without coffee. I had no idea that deep fear of unhappiness was there until I felt the fear lift. It's so amazing all of the unconscious ties we have to things we love. Ties we aren't even aware are there until we try to take that thing away.

This probably sounds really stupid, but this whole experience has given me more respect for the people trying to kick hard drugs. If I have all of these conscious and unconscious beliefs around why I need coffee in my life, how must that be multiplied for someone with a crack or heroine addiction? I can't even imagine.

2 comments:

Tough Cookie said...

Hi there! I stumbled across your blog, and just wanted to say hello. I'm a 23 year old, former collegiate cross-country runner diagnosed with and battling a progressive, incurable nerve disease, RSD. I am using raw foods as one of my healing tools along with other mind, body, and soul fixers :-) I hope you will check out my blog!

http://prefontaine44.blogspot.com/

Midlife Midwife said...

I love that you are able to verbalize those thoughts that keep you tied to an addictive behavior. We can medically treat the physical addictions...but the mental stuff is so deeply personal it eludes us for the most part. Great post! I'm proud of you for making a good health decision and working so hard to stay healthy. :-)