Impermanence Can Be So Deceiving

I’ve been cranky this week. I haven’t been happy with most of the writings I’ve done for the book/blog. I’ve been tired. I have declared to my husband a few times that I was depressed.

I immediately start to feel like this new state is permanent these are all the things I will “just have to get used to”:

1. I begin to work on accepting that I my writer’s well has dried up and I’ll never write another piece that I like. The book is garbage and I should just throw in the towel.

2. I do an internal sweep of my body to see what’s going on. Am I getting sick? Are my lungs rejecting? Do I have an infection at the sight of my recent stomach surgery?

3. I feel like my thoughts are dull and uninteresting. Clearly, I have thought my last original thought.

4. Life is generally unsatisfying and surely that won’t change.

Then guess what happens? I take a nap. I talk to my friend. I walk my dog. I give myself permission to take a day or two off from writing. Like a tiny miracle, I feel better. I don’t feel great, but I do feel better.

All of my moods are impermanent so why am I convinced otherwise? Why am I so ready to accept that my current state is the one I will live with forever. I had this feeling each time I got sick and apparently, I still have this feeling when my mood shifts dramatically. Usually I am hungry or tired. Sometimes, I just need to shut up and relax!

All things are changing

God only is changeless