Saturday, April 21, 2007

Impermanence Can Be So Deceiving

I’ve been cranky this week. I haven’t been happy with most of the writings I’ve done for the book/blog. I’ve been tired. I have declared to my husband a few times that I was depressed.

I immediately start to feel like this new state is permanent these are all the things I will “just have to get used to”:

1. I begin to work on accepting that I my writer’s well has dried up and I’ll never write another piece that I like. The book is garbage and I should just throw in the towel.

2. I do an internal sweep of my body to see what’s going on. Am I getting sick? Are my lungs rejecting? Do I have an infection at the sight of my recent stomach surgery?

3. I feel like my thoughts are dull and uninteresting. Clearly, I have thought my last original thought.

4. Life is generally unsatisfying and surely that won’t change.

Then guess what happens? I take a nap. I talk to my friend. I walk my dog. I give myself permission to take a day or two off from writing. Like a tiny miracle, I feel better. I don’t feel great, but I do feel better.

All of my moods are impermanent so why am I convinced otherwise? Why am I so ready to accept that my current state is the one I will live with forever. I had this feeling each time I got sick and apparently, I still have this feeling when my mood shifts dramatically. Usually I am hungry or tired. Sometimes, I just need to shut up and relax!

All things are changing

God only is changeless

4 comments:

OB Doctor said...

Keep writing your book! You have a great story and you know how to communicate the written word!

NoRib said...

I surf through MANY blogs, and your blog is one of the only 2 that I have bookmarked!!!! I read your posts every day! I am sure there are others like me as well, who might not even post on your site! Embrace your warmth, your optimism, your positive outlook! Remember, the idea of writing a book in my opinion is really to see if you can complete it! Whatever happens after that is gravy! I love your entries and find that encouraging! Please don't get down...and from a selfish reason....what else am I going to enjoy a daily basis if you stop writing? (Ok, the second blog who doesn't update his blog on a daily or weekly, sometimes even monthly basis). Stay strong, there are more people than you probably realize out here depending on your words!

Tiffany said...

Wow! Thanks for the encouragement! Sometimes, no...most of the time, I really could use buckets of it! Thanks for the support! :)

Jen! said...

Four words: I LOVE YOUR BLOG